Troublemaker Friend

Vicky needs support and comfort: not judgement. But people can be so cold. I am one of her closest friends: there must be a reason for that.

I will be there for Vicky.

My friend sneaked her way to her mum's apartment, thinking she'd get a warm reception: she couldn't have been more wrong. Her mum shut the door on her and called the police. That is a stab in the back. To be rejected like that hurts: I knew what would happen, but I didn't have the heart to tell Vicky.

I hope Vicky is OK tonight.

The fact Vicky's mother shut the door on her and called the police is deeply unfair. And the fact her mum won't drop the charges shocks me: she's supposed to love Vicky - she's Vicky's MUM. Why is she going through with this? Why does Vicky still want to see her traitorous mum? My own mum died in 2014, but if she were alive today and did that to me, I'd never speak to her again.

Vicky's mum is horrible and hateful.

It sounds as if Vicky is having a hard time, but, without hearing both sides of the story, it is difficult to form an opinion.

Im glad I didnt upset you with what I said. If you read about alcoholics and food addicts you wil see that part of the treatment is getting people around them to stop enabling them .. This can range from buying the food or drink for them to making excuses for their behaviour, trying to cover up for them or even just telling them its ok even when its not ok..
All these things give them the opportunity to continue the destructive behaviour.

I hope Vicky does finally get the help she needs.

Vicky's mum isn't talking to her: and Vicky wants to get to the bottom of it. I think Vicky's mum is being really mean by ignoring Vicky. It really bothers me - and certainly Vicky more - that her mum has put up some kind of wall against her. How hurtful must that be? I've told Vicky to find out the full details of the situation and take it from there.

Having her own mum reject her must be agony and utterly devastating.

Can I also say I'm not just coming at this from a well-meaning point of view I'm coming at this from experience.
My youngest son has bipolar disorder as well as a ADD and autism.
He refuses to take medication or see counseling .

He finds interacting with people difficult and he finds interacting with his father very difficult.
8 years ago he broke contact with us we haven't spoken since.
He turned up here one day and asked me to give his friends and him a lift somewhere the following day was very early in the morning and I would have had to have gotten up about 5 a.m. before then going to work so my husband said no I will take you.
My son said I don't want you to drive us my friends don't like you but they like mum.
So my husband said well then it's tough you don't get a lift.
My son went away and he was angry later that day he came back he kicked the back door in marched into the house and assaulted his father beating him to the ground, in the struggle he struck out and broke my nose.
My next door neighbour heard the row and came running in, together me and my husband managed to throw my son out of the back door and tell him to go away.
That was our last contact with him.

Lots of friends and family were like you they thought we should try to make peace, they thought we should give him another chance, they thought we could work things out. They told us he isnt a bad boy and that he is sweet.

And the fact is he is sweet he is a lovely generous gentleman until things go wrong.

So please stop condemning Vickys mum because you really dont know what is said or done behind closed doors and domestic abuse comes in all shapes and forms.

I think you made a very brave decision. I am estranged from my daughter, for no reason I am aware of. I asked her once what the problem was, and her answer was so vague I never found out, and I am certainly not going to ask a second time I suspect she think she is so clever for having two grandchildren that I don't know, but what you never have you never miss. Besides which, if they have taken after her and her husband, I doubt I am missing much. I never got to know him very well, but looking into his eyes, you wonder if there is anyone there...........

I still wonder from time to time, if  I am doing the right thing in not going back to her.

I have decided Vicky does need a friend. I won't sacrifice myself for her, but I do care. She isn't some monster: she is a vulnerable and lonely woman. I won't make excuses or condone breaking the law, but I do have some sympathy for Vicky.

Life is not easy for her and the fact other people get away with it and yet she is targeted is deeply unfair. She said this to me last night on the telephone: and I agree with her. Why is Vicky always the scapegoat?

Life isn't easy for a lot of people but it doesn't mean to say that we go round making life difficult for other people, it doesn't mean we break the law , and it doesn't mean we kick off when we don't get our own way.
I don't think your friend is a scapegoat I think she's simply having to face the consequences of her own actions while she still bleating about being a victim she isn't accepting responsibility and that is what matters.

You've made a choice you're going to stand by her don't enable her because you won't make life better for her.