What do you want a man to understand about you? (G)

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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 24, 2022 5:38:09 GMT -5 Oochillyo likes this

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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2022 5:38:09 GMT -5

Hi, I'm married, have two boys and one girl, and it's from having a girl that I am even beginning to understand what a women/girl wants. How sad, right?

Well, can you explain to me, what women want?

I know you don't want to be treated as sex objects already.

(if you do, please don't tell me)

What do you want men to understand about you?

Like, we just want to be loved, or something like that?

For example, if you had a son and your son asked you, "mom, what does my girlfriend even want? I don't get it"

What would you say? I'm not gonna judge you, I want to know what a mom would say.

My mom said that they wanted to be treated right, ok, but I don't remember much.

My dad told me to stay away from bad types (but somehow I was always pulled towards them)

I know the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you).

I have heard jokingly and serious that "men are stupid"

Well, yes, I'm Mr. Stupid,

and I want to be smart, so I am asking you who feel bold and can share and don't be afraid to tell me like it is. Tell me how a man hurt you and how she "should have" done x or y, so I know what you mean, if you need to explain it.

I want to think of women in absolute purity, as souls, with feelings, not things, as people, smart, and not perfect, but want to be loved and accepted. Because that is what I want for my daughter. I don't want some horny dog (like a young version of my dark self kind of boy) to take advantage of her and I don't want her to learn ways to "lure" a man in order to get what she wants (like some women who has sex with rich old guys to get his money).

I'll be honest, when I grew up and heard guys talk about women and how they "got some", I was not jealous, I promise, I was upset that they considered them so cheap like that, like they just sweet talk to get sex. W T Fudge man? I never like it when guys around me did that, because I was not like that, although I did have a dark past, it was not like that, but I'm not better, just saying that I don't like it when guys do that. It pisses me off. I don't care even if the women wanted that, I am still kinda pissed off.

Last Edit: Feb 2, 2023 17:37:58 GMT -5 by heatherly

cassie Elite Member III Posts: 7,586 Member is Online	What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 24, 2022 6:29:32 GMT -5 via mobile heatherly, jen, and 3 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cassie on Oct 24, 2022 6:29:32 GMT -5 Not my husband.. He gets it. But men in general...just accept women as human beings.

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 24, 2022 7:11:35 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2022 7:11:35 GMT -5 Thank you and I think he (your husband) is a good man

noeleena
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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 25, 2022 1:45:59 GMT -5 heatherly, a_muppet, and 1 more like this

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Post by noeleena on Oct 25, 2022 1:45:59 GMT -5

Evening,

For some of us we are more complex , i am and was born different to start with, so how i was brought up started out with abuse yes from a man who was meant to be my father , and my Mothers husband he was not ether ,

My Mother brought me up and i was with her for 24 years, till she passed away,
My getting along with men has allways been a struggle though i worked with them for most of my working life i will say i had 5 men who from age 10 for the next few years were lovely in how they treated me plus thier wife,s .

I distrusted men from age 5 when i sort of understood what they could do to us it was horrific so for much of my life i never let my guard down and being in the Millitary you never turn your back on a guy, because your weakest point is your back ,

Okay so how do i go about gaining trust in a man so i can have a relationship and know he,s there for myself , for most men its about sex and little else yes i have talked with 100,s of men and done my home work so i do know what to expect ,

My fear is to be asked out lets say on a date and that has never happened not ever once what will he expect of me why if .... a guy ever does is it a fling or a no strings attached and then he is gone , whats the point ,

You see in this day and age its all about sex first , Oh and yes this .... would he wait and look at a long term maybe 10 years for myself give or take he would need to see me first and understand my detail so there would never be any ...MISS UNDERSTANDING...because some men just dont know how to read what a person writes about them self or listen to whats said to start with , so right from the start , i am a public speaker so i make sure people get what i,m talking about this to me is what i find the
hardest thing to get a guy to understand be able to see and not close his mind to think with a mind free of what he ...WONT,s .

I know a person yes a guy who wonts to spend time with me sexually i wont not ever he wonts sex , i have told him my background many times and yet he will not and just does not get it ,i have given up writing to him,

I know what i need some one around my age of 75. in fact i dont need a man around me theres very little i cant do i am clued up and well trained in many fields and i do stand on my own two feet, and my many friends all know me so well , so what do i expect of a guy, one who see,s beyound him self a bit longer than 10 min,s in bed am i being too tough ...YES...very much so because i had to learn from my Mother how to be a Bloody strong Woman.

...noeleena...

Last Edit: Oct 25, 2022 1:52:56 GMT -5 by noeleena

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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 25, 2022 2:17:55 GMT -5

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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2022 2:17:55 GMT -5

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt experience noeleena I'm very happy you can talk to me, a stranger just asking about this. I hope to learn more and adjust and teach my boys and other fellow men what I have learned and I hope they will listen and I should listen to them too.

Leaf
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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 29, 2022 10:46:47 GMT -5

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Post by Leaf on Oct 29, 2022 10:46:47 GMT -5

In all honestly, if I were to think about what my ideal husband or boyfriend would be like (or wife/girlfriend even) it would be someone who just sees me for who I am as clichè as that may sound. Someone who understands that I am not a part of some third category of gender and acknowledges that I was just born differently. Someone who doesn't treat women like shit and thus would treat me like shit. Someone who doesn't treat me like shit because I'm not like other girls. Most importantly of all, and thanks to my friends for making me realize this, someone who respects personal boundaries. Something that is important considering that I am a kinky person and having someone who respects boundaries helps in not becoming an abused sub. Of course, it doesn't matter. I doubt I'm ever going to meet the right person and all of the people who met such criteria all seem to be taken anyway. Honestly, if you ever meet a man who isn't engulfed in toxic masculinity, hold on them any way that you can even if that means being friends with them. They will fight for you, but be sure to fight for them too. Because men who are actual gentlemen are hard to time and often times get shit from toxic men which is why these men seem so non-existent. But what I say probably doesn't have merit since I've been a virgin in almost all aspects of my life from sex, to love, to relationships, to life in general. But I think this is honestly the kind of thing I would "expect" in a man.

Matthew 25:40, NRSV said:

And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.

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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 29, 2022 11:11:27 GMT -5

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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2022 11:11:27 GMT -5

Oct 29, 2022 10:46:47 GMT -5 Leaf said:

In all honestly, if I were to think about what my ideal husband or boyfriend would be like (or wife/girlfriend even) it would be someone who just sees me for who I am as clichè as that may sound. Someone who understands that I am not a part of some third category of gender and acknowledges that I was just born differently. Someone who doesn't treat women like shit and thus would treat me like shit. Someone who doesn't treat me like shit because I'm not like other girls. Most importantly of all, and thanks to my friends for making me realize this, someone who respects personal boundaries. Something that is important considering that I am a kinky person and having someone who respects boundaries helps in not becoming an abused sub. Of course, it doesn't matter. I doubt I'm ever going to meet the right person and all of the people who met such criteria all seem to be taken anyway. Honestly, if you ever meet a man who isn't engulfed in toxic masculinity, hold on them any way that you can even if that means being friends with them. They will fight for you, but be sure to fight for them too. Because men who are actual gentlemen are hard to time and often times get shit from toxic men which is why these men seem so non-existent. But what I say probably doesn't have merit since I've been a virgin in almost all aspects of my life from sex, to love, to relationships, to life in general. But I think this is honestly the kind of thing I would "expect" in a man.

Thank you. I admit I'm a broken man, and that is not an excuse for my past. Your reply helps. I hope you meet a good man, who is what you have described.

heatherly Administrator Maintain low tones! Posts: 16,394	What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 29, 2022 15:34:43 GMT -5 Oochillyo likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by heatherly on Oct 29, 2022 15:34:43 GMT -5 Be respectful. The easy way to do this is.... don't treat women in a way you don't want the women in your life treated

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 29, 2022 18:18:19 GMT -5 Oochillyo likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2022 18:18:19 GMT -5 Thank you Heatherly I will do this, with God's help.

Leaf
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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 29, 2022 20:39:38 GMT -5

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Post by Leaf on Oct 29, 2022 20:39:38 GMT -5

@домінік 🇺🇦
I'm a little confused. What makes you a broken man again? From what I've read you don't seem to be a guy who tends to mistreat people. I'm honestly concerned when I saw that. You know this is the thing. A lot of men out there tend to subscribe to some really stupid ideas of masculinity and that becomes a problem once it starts turning into toxic masculinity. However, there are men out there who know that it is okay to show emotion and if anything it only makes you more of a man than those who attempt to deem themselves men. A lot of women out there enter these toxic relationship and later loose hope that there are good men, but the truth of the matter is that there still exists good men out there. Honestly, I've come to realize that I need to stand by and fight for the good men in my life, because you damn well know they are receiving the same bullshit that a lot of women get from men. If not a different form of it. I would actually advise a lot of women out there to stand by and fight for the good men in your life as if they were good to you then they will fight for you and stand by you and support you. The only payment they seek is that we recipocate the sentiments because men need to feel supported, loved, and always feel like there is one person in the world that will be there for them.

I've met some really good male friends who taught me how to respect myself and made me feel empowered when there are days that I always feel like I'm the most ugliest shittiest person on the planet (like a logical fallacy). To be honest, if you ever need anything, please feel free to reach out to me. I've had men in my life who I shared struggles with and who introduced me to some of my female friends who also helped me out. The truth is that not everyone is your friend. Sometimes you have to learn to let people go and pray that there is some sort of an afterlife, because if there isn't then that means you'd may never talk to those people again in your life. I am coming to realize the importance of self-care and for kink relationships, aftercare.

Sorry, I just sort of started to rumble on. Anyway, I'll shut up now.

Matthew 25:40, NRSV said:

And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.

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What do you want a man to understand about you? (G) Oct 30, 2022 0:05:57 GMT -5

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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2022 0:05:57 GMT -5

Broken means to me that I have been humbled by the sick heart, back hypocritical intentions that I have. I know there is a thing called "toxic" shame and I believe the devil and his demons love to force feed me my own past and shame, but I am not talking about that. I'm talking about how even now, after so many years of marriage, and children, I have not changed too much. I can see some progress but I still see great things wrong with me. For instance, I tell others not to have that attitude of "self-righteousness" but I am still plagued with it, it reminds me that I am truly wrong and yet I try to see clear, I can't see, until I moved beyond my own self-hypocrisies and confess them to God and ask God for forgiveness and help. I have a bad attitude lots of the time and day and it's because I get into negative thinking but more than that...

There is a lot of work I need. Yet, I know some others need me as I need them. It would be foolish to say that I don't need you and I don't want to sound proud when I think that you (someone, not really you per se) need me (or people who are like me in your life). Like iron sharpens iron. I know a women and a man can't have counseling which a man and a man can, and I have tried, but even in this arena, I can't quite talk about my issues with a women counselors because #1 I'm already attracted to her and #2 I have seen some issues about what I believe and what I do. For example, I think it's wrong to "take advantage" of others, but I have done that even in counselings, I have spoke too much on my particular issues that causes focus on it, and it is arousing to me, which should not be, because I'm not going to counseling to get aroused (sex addiction recovery) but to be helped (a male therapist is better, unless he is homosexual and might have some (maybe?) hidden agenda to take advantage of me. I'm not talking about clear maybe. This is a struggle and I say I'm broken because I am frustrated, I cry, and listen to God's promises to heal me because who else is gonna help me and listen to me? My wife is not able to give me that kind of unconditional love, yet I love it when she is kind to me, that is enough for me. I know I don' deserve me from what I put her threw. I have hurt her emotionally so many times, a women would have left me. But this "aloneness" is toxic too, because it has made me seek love in the wrong places. Until the last time, our separation was a healing that I actually needed and we didn't divorce. I appreciate you wanted to talk to me and help me. I have issues and can you imagine that I am trying to help other men who have the same issues? It's like what I feel I must do in life. I feel I was helped by God and other Christian men who loved me and I want to help them, and also understand the heart of a wife, because there are things I will never understand about women or my wife but I am trying.

Today, my wife and I were together watching the children events and we were happy. This is better than sex and I don't want sex to rule my life, I hate it, how much of a dog I was and am. She denied me twice but I am learning "so what" her vagina is not my god, I don't need her "love", I can find a better one (God) who will take this arousal away and wait for a better time. This is how my marriage is going. Sorry to graphic.