Hard question

Hi.

We cannot help what turns us on and what doesnt, I always joke that I married a greek god and hes turned into a greek granddad.
The man with the jet black hair that curled round his neck is bald, the toned body of adonis with the bulging muscles has slipped and the the only bulge is around his middle..

But the fact is that the love lust,  I had for this man has gradually turned into a deep love he has become my other half,  quite literally,  he is my right hand , he is the other half of me, he is what makes me whole.

Now I started life as a very toned athletic young woman but health issues have made me gain weight, become stiff in my joints and suffer constant pain. No exersize , no diet and no workout can cure me... Does he love me less? No because we have a bond that goes beyond the physical.


See where the problem lies? if you dont go look in a mirror..

Stop pressuring her. Let her find her way without interfering.

Alternatively, if looks and sexual prowess is the be all end all for you, then let her go. What she needs is a warm caring individual who does not see her faults before they see her.

Sometimes we are just not the great character that we had hoped we would be, and it is better that you acknowledge your failings before it is too late for both of you.

Be encouraging and loving... see if you can find other ways to connect and be intimate with her to possibly get the attraction up, one not focused on the physical but instead your love for her (and what you love about her).

If love is still there, then the desire can still be there to a certain degree, but it might be different than what you were used to. Maybe have a nice night together, laugh, enjoy each other's company to get that fire lit.

Some people have a "sex day" that is set each week to help keep the spark alive because they're just too tired from work, chores, and so on... could be worth a try incorporating that.

We all have to adapt to changes with our partners... and some things become new norms that we have to accept if we want to be with them. I know we can't help what we're attracted to, but effort can still be made at least.


I'm not sure what her health condition is... but I wonder if she can see someone who can teach her how to do some light exercises that won't hurt her, for her health and well-being, of course, as even if it doesn't make her lose weight, it could possibly boost her confidence if she feels stronger and more capable. Any small 'win' can help. I have health issues myself (and old injuries), and I do have to have routines that won't hurt me. Lots of trial and error for what works and doesn't, so she may have to do the same. Maybe you two can create exercise routines together. My SO puts together exercise plans for both of us (he does lots of research about exercises to target various areas or help with certain issues), and he will tailor one for me, but I adjust mine further as I learn what is bad for me because I have to listen to my body. Sending healing vibes to your wife! Health issues really can suck the life out of you.

Also idk what kind of sense of humor you guys have but laughter goes a long way in life.

As someone who also had weight gain due to medical issues - my husband had some of these very thoughts. He was understanding and since he is medical as well, he knew there was nothing I could do until the conditions were resolved or I came to terms with things in my own time without any outside interference. It took me awhile, but I noticed that the changes in my body were something even I did not like to see in the mirror. When she is ready, she will make the changes, or at least acknowledge that changes need to be made. & if it is something she cannot control due to the conditions, that is something you are going to have to accept as well, because try as she might to change it - sometimes out bodies just do not let us.

We cannot help what we are and are not attracted to. Our bodies react the way they do without our approval. What you can control are the thoughts and where they go. Just think - if you are struggling with all of these feelings, imagine what she is struggling with. Logically she knows what the issue is, but maybe she is not ready to acknowledge it. A lot of the time, acknowledging someone else's feelings to what is going on with US - makes it real. And more often than not, we are comfortable living in denial.

In this case as with so many the op vanished and didnt return.