In light of the news that in almost every country suicide rates are up since the whole covid lockdown I thought this was an appropriate post.
Today Sept 10th is world suicide prevention day. I bet most people have never heard of this day.. Yet suicide is one of the biggest killers around. Every year world wide 1 million people commit suicide, thats 3,000 a day or one every 40 seconds. So why is it you never see anyone with a collection tin for research into the reasons for suicide or to help the families, why don’t you see people wearing a ribbon or badge to mark the day? Did you know that more than half of all violent deaths in the world are suicide. In the USA alone each year around 32,000 people commit suicide. Thats 10 times more than the total number of deaths in 9/11. In the UK each year its over 3,500, to give you a scale, in 2018 only 2,946 died in road deaths. These statistics are from the AFSP and SMHAI
I don’t intend to take anything away from those events I use them simply to show the scale involved. And because world Suicide prevention day is sept 10th it gets overshadowed by 9/11 memorials.
By now you are wondering what this has to do with you.. Because things like suicide happen to other people , not to nice ordinary people ,not to nice normal familes…. But it does and it can, and in the short time its taken you to read this post another person has decided that they would rather take their own life than face another day.....
I recently had a friend who had a suicide in their family and have seen the pain that it causes. I noticed that at first there was a lot of anger and then replaced with a lot of love. I think it is important to keep them in your thoughts and your heart to help heal the pain.
Maybe they need a black and red ribbon to mark this day. I just don't think many people care whether someone offs themselves or not. They should. People who are left to feel that awful for a long period of time will eventually attempt something.
And so we see normal people.. People like us, like you like me, all know of someone or have been close to someone who has felt this way.. Which just proves how wide reaching this is so why is it still kept secret?
The closest I came was when I was about to sit my finals. The fact is that anything could come up... so I was very stressed. I went for a walk along our local railway line, and I remember thinking that if the train came, and flattened me, it might not be such a bad thing.
I don't recall anything after that, but I am certainly still here.
I can't help remembering how upset people around suicidals feel so bad, and usually blame themselves, thinking that if they had been there, or said something, it would all have been ok.
Of course, you can't say that it wouldn't, can you? No-one can know. It's too late.
Once you really take that on board, you can't put it on others like that. Or at least I couldn't.
I can't help remembering how upset people around suicidals feel so bad, and usually blame themselves, thinking that if they had been there, or said something, it would all have been ok.
Of course, you can't say that it wouldn't, can you? No-one can know. It's too late.
Once you really take that on board, you can't put it on others like that. Or at least I couldn't.
of course the one question we are always left with is why? why do it? why not speak to me? why not ask me for help? Plus, what could I have done? what could I have done to make this better to stop this to prevent this.?
and it is not just those left behind who torture themselves they are tortured by the gossips by the finger pointing by the people who crossed the road because suicide is still shameful and people want to avoid it they don't want to be associated with it or anybody who has been associated with it so you are left alone, bereft, grieving and the subject of malicious gossip. 'his home life must have been terrible ' 'his wife drove him to it' ' his family were awful' .oh yes, all comments have heard..
It's because they get to a place that is so dark and so low that they don't feel like anyone would care or even miss them if they were gone.
Exactly , but those of us who have never been there really cannot imagine how that is. Which is where the Why comes in.. We all assume people know they are loved. cherished , admired but we forget to tell them and those who are falling into the darkness need to hear it..
Yes they do. And when people forget to tell them then they begin to feel like no one cares. No one loves them. At that point that's where they break. That's where they give up. I've reached that place twice now in my lifetime. First time I tried to kill myself. This time I said the hell with everyone and let them go. Some day one of them is gonna call or wanna contact me and I will no longer be there waiting to be their back up friend. People have no idea just how deep and how bad this gets. It is a horrible place to be. There is no feeling left in the person. They are at rock bottom.
Yes they do. And when people forget to tell them then they begin to feel like no one cares. No one loves them. At that point that's where they break. That's where they give up. I've reached that place twice now in my lifetime. First time I tried to kill myself. This time I said the hell with everyone and let them go. Some day one of them is gonna call or wanna contact me and I will no longer be there waiting to be their back up friend. People have no idea just how deep and how bad this gets. It is a horrible place to be. There is no feeling left in the person. They are at rock bottom.
Talking usually helps.
I am so pleased you have moved on from there ^^. It looks horrid.
Last Edit: Sept 11, 2020 13:56:36 GMT -5 by a_muppet
Yes they do. And when people forget to tell them then they begin to feel like no one cares. No one loves them. At that point that's where they break. That's where they give up. I've reached that place twice now in my lifetime. First time I tried to kill myself. This time I said the hell with everyone and let them go. Some day one of them is gonna call or wanna contact me and I will no longer be there waiting to be their back up friend. People have no idea just how deep and how bad this gets. It is a horrible place to be. There is no feeling left in the person. They are at rock bottom.
Talking usually helps.
I am so pleased you have moved on from there ^^. It looks horrid.
Right now my biggest issue is feeling worthless and feeling nobody cares. That is the danger zone. I'm trying to work through this as I have in the past but it's different this time. I'm trying to take care of myself. You girls help make me feel better.
Post by heatherly on Sept 11, 2020 19:29:37 GMT -5
Hope you all don't mind. I moved this chat to its own thread that way the conversation can keep going or be brought back up as needed. It's definitely an important conversation to have, and we need to have less stigma about mental health in general
I am so pleased you have moved on from there ^^. It looks horrid.
Right now my biggest issue is feeling worthless and feeling nobody cares. That is the danger zone. I'm trying to work through this as I have in the past but it's different this time. I'm trying to take care of myself. You girls help make me feel better.
I have learned that there is always someone who cares... sometimes it might even be a stranger. Luckily we're always here, too.. so no need to find a stranger ;p
My thing was I have spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and worthless/useless...unnecessary...whatever. And people all around me have done nothing to make me see things in a different light. I mostly feel like no matter what I do or what I say or what I think or what I feel is meaningless because people often hurt me and make me feel like I don't matter or that I'm stupid or crazy. It has really messed me up after 54 yrs of this BS. I'm struggling to this day and often wonder if I will continue to struggle for the remainder of my life. This site has been the nicest place I've ever been online to date.
My thing was I have spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and worthless/useless...unnecessary...whatever. And people all around me have done nothing to make me see things in a different light. I mostly feel like no matter what I do or what I say or what I think or what I feel is meaningless because people often hurt me and make me feel like I don't matter or that I'm stupid or crazy. It has really messed me up after 54 yrs of this BS. I'm struggling to this day and often wonder if I will continue to struggle for the remainder of my life. This site has been the nicest place I've ever been online to date.
You really are not alone. I honestly believe that everyone has mental health problems. It is just a matter of degrees, and how much it gets in the way of your life.
I try to go past my issues, and dismiss them as I go along day to day. Most days it works, but I keep doing it, and it is certainly a lot better than i used to be.
My thing was I have spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and worthless/useless...unnecessary...whatever. And people all around me have done nothing to make me see things in a different light. I mostly feel like no matter what I do or what I say or what I think or what I feel is meaningless because people often hurt me and make me feel like I don't matter or that I'm stupid or crazy. It has really messed me up after 54 yrs of this BS. I'm struggling to this day and often wonder if I will continue to struggle for the remainder of my life. This site has been the nicest place I've ever been online to date.
In a way I was lucky.
My father bi-polar was at home when I was little and he told me , he really drummed it into me that I should never ever let anyone get so far inside my head that they made me doubt or hate myself.
He told me I was the one who needed to be happy with me, not anyone else,
stuff pleasing others he told me,be true to yourself first and foremost.
Sadly advice he neither took himself or passed to my brothers who were younger.
My father was physically and mentally abused by his stepfather from a very young age and it left him with depression that he couldnt control. The drugs back then were not as good as they are now (and I know the drugs now are no magic cure) so he struggled along doing his best to keep out of the darkness. BUt that early abuse had marked his life.
In 1985 aged just 38 he lost his battle.
In 1995 my brother aged 21 lost his fight
and in 2009 my second brother age 40 lost himself to the darkness.
You would think by now there would be understanding or at least decent help but no, most people dont get it and most dont want to be conforted about it.
On Sept 10th I posted on FB the same post as heads up this thread.
It recieved no comments and just two emojis.
the following day Sept 11th FB was flooded as all my FB friends from all over the world posted their emotional tributes to those who died on 9/11 ..
My thing was I have spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and worthless/useless...unnecessary...whatever. And people all around me have done nothing to make me see things in a different light. I mostly feel like no matter what I do or what I say or what I think or what I feel is meaningless because people often hurt me and make me feel like I don't matter or that I'm stupid or crazy. It has really messed me up after 54 yrs of this BS. I'm struggling to this day and often wonder if I will continue to struggle for the remainder of my life. This site has been the nicest place I've ever been online to date.
In a way I was lucky.
My father bi-polar was at home when I was little and he told me , he really drummed it into me that I should never ever let anyone get so far inside my head that they made me doubt or hate myself.
He told me I was the one who needed to be happy with me, not anyone else,
stuff pleasing others he told me,be true to yourself first and foremost.
Sadly advice he neither took himself or passed to my brothers who were younger.
My father was physically and mentally abused by his stepfather from a very young age and it left him with depression that he couldnt control. The drugs back then were not as good as they are now (and I know the drugs now are no magic cure) so he struggled along doing his best to keep out of the darkness. BUt that early abuse had marked his life.
In 1985 aged just 38 he lost his battle.
In 1995 my brother aged 21 lost his fight
and in 2009 my second brother age 40 lost himself to the darkness.
You would think by now there would be understanding or at least decent help but no, most people dont get it and most dont want to be conforted about it.
On Sept 10th I posted on FB the same post as heads up this thread.
It recieved no comments and just two emojis.
the following day Sept 11th FB was flooded as all my FB friends from all over the world posted their emotional tributes to those who died on 9/11 ..
Respect to your dad for doing his best for you. He obviously knew that there were mental health issues in the family, and tried to address them.
But you escaped, and that is purely down to you.
Well done, for you are continuing his good work., Cassie.
My thing was I have spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and worthless/useless...unnecessary...whatever. And people all around me have done nothing to make me see things in a different light. I mostly feel like no matter what I do or what I say or what I think or what I feel is meaningless because people often hurt me and make me feel like I don't matter or that I'm stupid or crazy. It has really messed me up after 54 yrs of this BS. I'm struggling to this day and often wonder if I will continue to struggle for the remainder of my life. This site has been the nicest place I've ever been online to date.
I felt the same... well, I guess sometimes I still do, but it's not as constant. Part of why I felt so unlovable was because my mom told me nobody would ever love me the way I was when I was depressed and moody (I'm still depressed and moody). It stuck with me and still hurts me to this day. I talked to her about it once I was an adult, and she apologized, but the damage was already done.
I always had people tell me I can't be loved exactly the way I am, flaws and all. There was always something I had to do to make myself more lovable in the eyes of others. I never felt good enough, and that opened me up to more hurt and emotional abuse, as I was seeking acceptance and love. I even had an ex boyfriend tell me he didn't know if he could ever love me because of my chronic health issues. What did I do.. I tried even harder to try to make him love me. I look back on that and feel so sad because I honestly never knew my own worth. We all matter, and we all have value.
I grew up in a household where I was silenced. I was not allowed to speak my mind much because I had parents who had tempers. My mom would tell me not to anger my drunk father, but she also would become angry and hurtful to me at times. I felt like I had no voice or say in anything, and it's probably why I became an even more extreme introvert.
I also have been told I'm stupid or retarded often.... I started to believe it myself and had to try to convince myself otherwise. I actually started to talk that way to myself over time, which I had to unlearn. I rewired my self-critical thoughts just a few years ago, and it helped me a lot, but I still have ways to go.
It's harder to not take things to heart when it comes from people who mean the most to you. You respect them and their opinions, and when their opinions seem so low of you, then you start to believe it yourself.... It becomes really hard to tell yourself it's not true if so many people keep saying it to you. But you know what... it's not true. People are just mean and say nasty things out of anger sometimes. I try to understand where others come from so I don't have to take everything to heart, but it's not easy.
On Sept 10th I posted on FB the same post as heads up this thread.
It recieved no comments and just two emojis.
That is so sad. People are either ashamed to discuss it or they simply don't understand.
I have had some who say people are going to hell for doing it, so they don't feel sorry for them. That makes me sick! Some people can be so heartless.
Most dont know what to say.
When my little bro died people who had known mum for 30+ years crossed the street to avoid her. No wonder people avoid admitting its happened in their family.
When my second brother died my doctor asked me in a stumbling way 'you dont , I mean you havent , you wouldnt,,,,would you' For heavens sake, a doctor couldnt get the words out.. what hope is there for the rest of society?
Post by heatherly on Sept 12, 2020 10:48:09 GMT -5
My cousin committed suicide years back in mid November. He was in his late teens. My aunt has an annual walk and/or party with raffles to raise money and awareness for suicide. She also started a foundation and gives scholarships to students at the HS he went to. I admire her a lot! She does her best to keep his memory alive and to honor him.
I just don't think people care. If it doesn't affect them then why should they care? I think that's what is in people's minds anymore. Who wants some sad sack for a friend even though they really need one? I have pretty much given up. I'm tired of dancing around this damn box everyone wants me in. I'm not like other people and I don't want to be. But the only way I can be liked is if I'm an ahole? I think not.
Cassie I'm sorry about your family members. I think people have a hard time talking about things that make them uncomfortable and suicide is not something most people understand or are able to discuss. It's too deep for them.
I was not designed to spend all my time trying to please others or beg for love and attention. And I'm not about to start now. I'd rather be lonely.
I know God loves me and if He ends up being the last person in my life to do so then so be it. He wants us to have fellowship which I equate as being the same as friendship sorta and I try. But no one wants me in the real world so I have to face that fact every day when I wake up.
That is so sad. People are either ashamed to discuss it or they simply don't understand.
I have had some who say people are going to hell for doing it, so they don't feel sorry for them. That makes me sick! Some people can be so heartless.
When my second brother died my doctor asked me in a stumbling way 'you dont , I mean you havent , you wouldnt,,,,would you' For heavens sake, a doctor couldnt get the words out.. what hope is there for the rest of society?
After my cousin committed suicide... my family, including his parents, brought up how much alike we were. They knew I also had issues with depression and suicidal ideation.They wanted to understand the thought process he might have went through, and I was able to help them see what it's like because they never experienced depression to that degree. I know they wanted to blame themselves, but I told them not to. Everyone does want to know why or what they could have done differently. It's because suicide is seen as something we can prevent, and preventable deaths are harder to accept than an accident, an illness, or old age. I don't find it to be quite as preventable as much as people want to think, though. Unless we had mental health checks more regularly and made it normal to discuss such things and teach how to cope with life, then what will change? Even then it may not necessarily stop/prevent every case, but it at least would make a difference in the lives of many.
I feel that it's really difficult to help someone if they don't let someone know they need help. You have to be open to it. If you lose all hope and the will to live, then it consumes you. You isolate yourself and fall deeper into it until there is only one escape.. only one chance for peace in your mind. That is how it feels when you sink that deep into depression. It's good to have people to reach out to to admit when you are that close to the edge... but you have to want to do that in the first place, which usually is not the case when you suffer from depression. Depression really does make you think nobody cares about you. Nobody is to blame, not even the one who commits suicide. You can have some signs come through, but so many people are good at covering it up. I feel some of the most depressed minds also have the best sense of humor, and that makes people think you don't have depression. How can you laugh and have depression is what so many wonder.... It's so easy to hide the truth, so it's no wonder people are always so shocked when it happens. It is honestly not easy to accept suicide even if you do understand it.
a_muppet: Ha, I just spotted you, Noeleena - sneaking in. ::Sgc7Hl4::
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TestDummyCO: WOF has creaky floors. ::mCOIty6::
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jen: It's good to know you are still here Noeleena ::Sgc7Hl4::
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Ɖσмιиιc ♰: creaking floors, you make me laugh, Cherry has good eyes huh?
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MaryContrary: she's like the wof elf on a shelf *giggles*
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